his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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