Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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