At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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