I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
