I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
