Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
