I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
