My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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