Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
