Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The ass gains better be worth it
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