U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize