First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my shit smells like andre
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize