I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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