My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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