I think i peed on brittanys purse
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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