we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
should my penis look like a turkey
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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