dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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