you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
