Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
