i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
