So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
