A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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