batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
