I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
