He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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