He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
