Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
