As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
