I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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