Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
