His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
