I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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