The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
