i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I need to stop coming to work sober
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
