I am spending my child support on dildos
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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