I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
