Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
