Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
