I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Pants are for mortals
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
