Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I can't turn off my feet"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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