I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Randomize
