you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
