I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
