So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
