I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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