I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
