i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My cat gives me a boner
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
