Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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