Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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