did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
