Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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