There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I have post one night stand depression
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