This is not my ceiling
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
