You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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