I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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