Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
