Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
