I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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