Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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