Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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