Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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