He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I looked at my own cervix.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
