He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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