i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
