More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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