I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
