Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
