I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
