1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
