i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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