Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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