U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
whose ass print is on the piano?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
