IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
