I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
