I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
