Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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