Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
