I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I love having hate sex.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
