Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just made my gag reflex go away.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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