Already got asked if we're dating
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
