But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
