I accidentally burped into my bong.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
