My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
