I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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