he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize