I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
