i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
