help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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