He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize