I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
