Your face is a jimmy john
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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