U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
