I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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