She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
