I smell stomach acid.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
