Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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