I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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