Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
