he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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