how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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