happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
where does the pee come out of this thing
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
