party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
