Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
