Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
