At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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