nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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