At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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