You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
