I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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