My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
